Waiting....and Healing

Our first ultrasound is on Thursday and I am starting to get very antsy.  I want to hear or see the heartbeat and just know that this is for real.  I also can hardly stand guessing if it is just one baby or two.  I think it is probably just one but my mom says she has a feeling that it is twins and I guess I have my suspicions.  Either way we will be thrilled but we just want to know.  The ultrasound is also not until 3:40 in the afternoon so I have to teach for the whole day before I get to go.  AHHHHH!  I'm hoping that the day flies by.  Wes has talked to his principal and will be allowed to leave at 3:15 so that he is there on time to see our little one for the first time!  It seems so unreal to be able to finally say this!  I have honestly never been happier in my life.

Yesterday Wes, my mom and I went to "A Walk to Remember" sponsored by Tiny Purpose.  A support group for women dealing with pregnancy and infant loss.  We drove up to Adrian, MI to this most beautiful park.  It was such a nice day.  We got t-shirts that said walking in memory of Baby Rethman on the back.  Also, when we got there they gave us 2 balloons and tags to write a message to our baby and add the date.  We then walked through the beautiful park to the cemetary where they had a beautiful angel statue dedicated to anyone who has grieved the loss of a child.  They had a speaker, singers, a poem and then they read each baby's name and we released our balloons.  Also, when we walked through the park they had all of the babies' names on signs along the way.  They even took the time to go back and turn the signs around so that we could read them walking to the cemetery and on the way back.  It was a very sad and healing day.  I will always remember our angel and it was just such a nice tribute.  Mom said she really enjoyed it as well and I was so glad she was there to support us.  I am hoping to do this walk again.  I want to set aside this time to honor the life that this child should have had.  It is easy for others to forget because there is no physical reminders for anyone else.  But for me, my first baby will always have a special place in my heart.  It is not something I ever want to forget.  Just because I will not get to meet that baby until I get to heaven doesn't mean that he or she doesn't deserve loving thoughts and special time set aside just for him/her.  I will love all of my children no matter what.