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Sleeping

Not long ago I posted about dealing with trying to get the girls to sleep all night unswaddled. It was the LONGEST week of my life but they did it! They can self soothe and they fall asleep with minimal tears! They do sometimes wake up in the night but they can normally get themselves back to sleep. They also are making it to 7:00 on a regular basis now! We had a few set backs with Thanksgiving changing up our routine, but they have bounced back pretty easily. I am thrilled and feel a lot more comfortable with them going to babysitters.

P.S. I do know that they aren't supposed to sleep on their bellies but they roll to this position so I let them.

My Sister's Keeper

Jodi Picoult is one of my favorite authors. Her books are so well written but they definitely are tear jerkers. My Sister's Keeper is one of my favorite books of hers. I read it about 3 years ago and this summer the movie came out. I had planned to go see it with a group of my friends who had also read the book but we could never work it out with everyone. So last night we got together and watched it on DVD. I'm not going to say much about the story because if you haven't read it you definitely should. I do suggest reading it. The movie was good, but books are ALWAYS better! However, I won't be giving anything away by saying that it is about a family dealing with one of their children having cancer. I read the book. I knew what was coming, but that didn't stop the tears.

I cried while watching the movie, but I cried even more on my way home and then once I got home. All I could think about while I was watching it was I don't ever want to deal with my children being terminally ill. Wes had stayed home with the girls and I knew they would be sleeping at 11:30 when I got home, but I wanted so badly to snuggle them. When I got home I went upstairs because I thought if I can't hold them I at least want to look at them. Wes was rocking with Mya and she was wide awake. Apparently, she was crying so hard that he had to change her bedding because it was soaked. He said he felt so bad for her because she has a runny nose and he thought it sounded like she was having trouble breathing so he picked her up. I asked if I could please hold her because I needed some snuggle time. When he handed her to me she wrapped her arms around my neck and "hugged" me. I just sat rocking with her for a long time and I cried. I thanked God over and over again that my babies are healthy and I begged him never to take them from me. I do not know what it feels like to watch a child grow sicker and sicker. I do know what it feels like to lose a child, but the thought of losing a child after they have been in your life and changed you forever is more than I could ever stand. I do think about our first baby up in heaven every day and I cannot wait to meet him/her someday. I hope that is the only time I have to deal with the death of one of my children.

I didn't mean for this post to be so sad. I actually wanted it to be more about how I love my children so much it hurts and that I would do absolutely anything to keep them from ever suffering. I am thankful for my little miracles and I look forward to watching them grow up happy and healthy!

Thanksgiving

Thanksgiving is one of my favorite holidays. I love it because we get to spend time with family, eat LOTS of good food and it just isn't as stressful as Christmas. My mom's side of the family always spends 2 nights at Maumee Bay State Park and it is so much fun. We have the full feast on Wednesday and then we play games, cards and just enjoy time with each other. Wes and I only stay Wednesday because then on Thursday we go to Fort Loramie to spend time with his family. This year we went to his dad's house for lunch and then to his grandparent's for dinner.

The girls did not sleep well at Maumee Bay. Probably because they were in a pack 'n play and in a strange place. So I was a little concerned about how the next day would go. Surprisingly they slept the entire 2 hours down. That was much needed for them! However, they then never took another nap until we were leaving at 8:00. They really weren't very whiny and I was pleasantly surprised. They slept all the way home. Mya transitioned very easily. We even had to change their diapers and put them in jammies. Stella, however, was wide awake and just hanging out. She had no interest in going back to sleep. She finally went to bed with us around 1:00! Yikes! Oh well, I guess we will have days like that. In fact, we will have several coming up like that at Christmas. They just don't really like to nap other places.

Stella and Uncle TaylorMya and PapaStella and Aunt AmandaMya in her "Thankful for Mommy and Daddy" jammies....Stella pooped on hers LOLPlaying at Grandma and Grandpa Rethman's houseDaddy is tired! Must have had too much turkey!All in all, it was a great holiday! This day is just an excuse to say what we are thankful for, but I think this is something that we should be thinking about EVERY day. Since I became a Mommy I feel like I do appreciate things more. Here is what I am thankful for:

*My wonderful husband, Wesley! He is an amazing father, caring and thoughtful partner and all-around genuine person. Everyone who knows him thinks that he is a stand-up guy and I am so proud that I am his wife!

*My beautiful, dream come true daughters, Mya and Stella! I cannot even begin to explain what they mean to me. I always knew that I wanted to be a Mommy and the fact that it took extra work for us to get them just intensified my desire. Now that they are here I am the happiest I have ever been! I love them more than life itself and would do anything for them! I know that I am so lucky to have been able to carry two big and healthy babies as long as I did and I will spend the rest of my life making sure that they stay that way!

*My amazing parents, Tom and Peggy! They are the most supportive and loving people to their children. I would not be the person I am today without them and they are my rock. I cannot and do not want to ever imagine life without them. I am grateful every day for all that they do for us! I LOVE my parents!

*My big sister, Ashley! She is my best friend and a great support system. She is an amazing role model and I will forever try to be like her. Her husband and children (who I am also very thankful for) are lucky people. She will do anything and everything to be sure they are safe and have a happy and fulfilled life!

*My brothers, Taylor and Zach! They are my little brothers and they always make me laugh. I love that as they have gotten older we have actually become friends. I love what they bring to our family and I look forward to becoming even closer with them.

*My extended family! I am so lucky to have people around me who care about me and will drop anything to help me. I hate that we don't all get together more often but I cherish the times that we do!

*My in-laws! The raised my husband to be the man he is today and lucky me gets to reap all the benefits of their hard work! They are supportive of us and would do anything for us.

*My friends! I have the greatest groups of friends. It is so nice to have people to talk, laugh and spend time with who look at life in the same way that I do.

*My Doggy! Poor Milo has definitely taken a backseat to the girls and he seems to just understand that it is ok. We do still love him very much and I tell him every day that soon enough these little invaders will be his best buddies. He does so good with the babies and I have absolutely no worries with him around them.

A Whole New World

My ladies have had their first taste of something other than breastmilk.....and they are not fans! On Wednesday, we sat them in their high chairs for the first time and gave them a sippy cup with water in it. They liked sucking and chewing all over the cup. But when we took the thing that slows the flow down out of the cup and they actually tasted the water they both made horrible faces and spit it out. I thought "Oh man I'm in for a treat if they don't like the taste of WATER!?!?!?!"

Here they are investigating their sippy cups.Stella would rather chew on the high chair!So Saturday arrives and this is the day I planned to start rice cereal ~ their first actual food. I am making their baby food because it is cheaper and it is healthier. There are no preservatives in it and I can make it to their liking. My sister is showing me how to do everything and I'm actually pretty excited. I went to the store with her last night and got the organic short grain brown rice for the cereal and then for the near future I picked up some sweet potatoes, bananas, acorn squash and butternut squash. Avocado is also on the list. It was quite a process when I got home to wash all of my supplies up so that I could use them today. I purchased baby food containers that are marked with a 1 oz. and 2 oz. size and have stacking and locking lids from One Step Ahead so I hand washed all 48 to be sure that they are really clean. I also washed up all of the parts to my new food processor, pot strainer basket and ice cube trays (for easy freezing purposes).

This morning I got up nice and early so that I could grind the rice to a powder for their cereal. It was so loud and it takes about 15 minutes but now I have enough for a long time. After their 10:00 feeding we sat them in their high chairs and gave it a whirl. They HATED it! Mya gaged and spit it out. Stella, surprisingly, wasn't as dramatic as Mya but she cried and made horrible faces. I also gave them another shot with their sippy cups with water and they hated that, as well. I know that it takes awhile and they just had no idea what was coming. I thought they would do better because they definitely have an interest in food. They stare and try to grab at my food or drink if I am holding them. They especially love to touch a cold water bottle or pop can. Oh well, 3 more days of cereal (which I am going to thin out a little more with breastmilk next time) and we can try some banana which has a much better taste if you ask me!

Rub-a-dub-dub! We love the tub!

My girls LOVE bath time! They love to splash around in the water. So much so that last night Wes said after bathing them that he felt like he sat in the front row of a Shamoo show! LOL Here are a few pictures from last night...

Mya waiting patiently while Stella was getting bathed."What???? It's my turn now???"Loving the bubbles.Contemplating life....or flipping off the camera. You decide.Batting my long eye lashes at Daddy.Mya can't even wait to get undressed before she attempts to climb in the tub.Not sure just yet...(actually she is probably peeing. She does that as soon as she hits the warm water)."This is the life ~ Chillin'""I love my baths!"

Anxiety

I knew that staying home was going to be wonderful and that I wouldn't want to go back to work. I still have about a month and a half left until I go back to work, but it is consuming my thoughts. I think back to how long we tried and all that we went through to have our girls and the thought of me taking them to someone else to raise makes me so sad. Don't get me wrong, I love Lisa, our babysitter, but I want to be the one with them. On top of that teaching is a big job. People who aren't teachers constantly say that we have summers off and our day ends at 3:00. Those people should try it for a year. During the school year I am working 7 days a week. And although the kids leave at 3:00 my day is definitely not over. There are always lesson plans, papers to grade, meetings to attend, copies to make, newsletters to write, parents to contact and general daily prep. It was a wonderful distraction while we were struggling to get pregnant because it takes all of your time. Now that my beautiful girls are here, I don't want a job that requires so much extra work.

On top of my anxiety over just leaving the girls, I am also stressed about the actual job. I was put on bed rest April 4th. I will have been out of the classroom for 9 months. We got a new principal this year and she has changed everything. We have a new reading, writing and social studies series that I have never seen. We have new grade cards that I've heard take FOREVER. We also added the Phonics Dance to our day and I don't know that either. When I went to a conference about this they said to not worry about knowing it because you will learn it with the kids. Well, my kids learned it with my sub and I don't know it so now what? Finally, I don't know my students. I stopped in to meet them one day for 5 minutes and my sub (who also happens to be a friend of mine) had the kids fill out an informational sheet about them and she attached a picture. This is helpful, but I still feel like it is the first day of my first year. I haven't been nervous to teach in 5 years. Now I'm nervous! I have to learn how to be a teacher and a mommy without either job slacking.

I would just take the rest of the year off, because I think most of my anxieties are due to the fact that I am coming back in the middle of the year, but my sub is pregnant and due in February. I would not give the students two different long-term subs. I don't think that's fair to them. So I just going to have to suck it up and suffer through until June 2nd. (Yeah, that's another thing.....my last day of school is the girls' first birthday! We never go until June, but this year we do!!!!!!!!!!!) So from now on I'm pouring myself into our home business so that I can make enough to stay home after this year!

Who wouldn't want to be home with these gorgeous girls???

Tough Nights

I have been feeling like a terrible mom the last few nights. We decided it was time to get rid of the swaddle blankets and get them to sleep all night with a sleep sack where their arms are free. Our nighttime routine begins with a bath and is followed by their final feeding of the night. I have been trying to make sure they don't fall asleep while they eat so that they are going to bed awake. Bedtime is 7:30ish. This was happening just fine when they were in their swaddle blankets. They would sleep until about 4:30-5:00ish and we would then bring them down to our bed so I could feed them and they would fall back asleep with us until 7:0o or 7:30. It was great and it worked so well. That was until I talked to my sister and I realized I have been setting myself up for something I can't very easily undo. They now know what they are doing and will depend on this. They don't really need to eat at 4:30, they could wait until 7:00, but when they wake up at that time I'm tired and I don't want to try to settle them back down. Remember I have to do this twice because they don't wake at the same time. So feeding them to sleep was easier.

So I thought I'm cutting them off cold turkey. I figured if I'm going to have a few hard nights I might as well get it all over with at once. That meant no swaddling, pacifiers, feedings or coming down to our bed. Well, I had no idea what I was in for. First of all, getting them to sleep with their arms free is nearly impossible. They move their arms and wake themselves up. They also pull out their pacifier and that makes them cry. It takes Stella about 45 min. to an hour to fall asleep this way. Mya has yet to do so. That girl will cry and scream until she is coughing and her hair, jammies and bedding are soaked with her tears. I try so hard to go in and calm her without picking her up, but there is just no soothing her at that point. Also, they share a room. It blows my mind what they will sleep through, but she gets really loud and I don't want Stella to wake up again. If she finally gets to sleep there is no doubt that she will wake up again and this process is repeated. I get so exhausted (especially knowing I have to get up in the morning at be alone with them all day) that I give in and pick her up. But as soon as I put her down she wakes up and screams. Finally, I end up swaddling her and she goes to sleep. Oh and the no pacifier thing is just not happening yet.

I hate with a passion listening to my babies cry. Wes is stronger than I am so he tells me to go downstairs and turn the monitor off. I even took a shower the one night as we were trying to get them down to sleep so I wouldn't hear them. This makes me feel like such a wuss and a terrible mom. Wes says it means I'm a great mom. I love them and I don't want them to be sad. This is true, but I also know it is in their best interest to learn how to fall asleep and soothe themselves. I'm totally lost right now with this. I'm tired and I don't know how to fix it.

Cousins

I've posted about my sweet little niece, Sophie before so you all know that she is 6 weeks older than my girls. Saturday my sister and her husband brought their kids over (along with a yummy meal) and we got to take some more pics of the three girls together. I'm sure it was comical as we were doing everything imaginable to get all three to look and possibly smile at the camera. Ashley and I just stopped and talked about how amazing it is that we had our daughters so close together. We always dreamed this would happen, but now that it actually did we feel very blessed. Watching these girls grow up together is going to be a highlight of my life. I'm also including pictures of Will with Uncle Dub that day. Wes got him a cool Zoo book from the book fair at his school. We are all about getting him educational gifts. It was really supposed to be one of his Christmas gifts, but Wes couldn't wait! P.S. Wes got a much needed hair cut later that day - LOL. Free time is a luxury these days.

Nicknames

For some reason we have an insane amount of nicknames for Stella. I'm surprised the girl knows her name because we have called her so many other things, such as:
Stella Luna
Stellar
Stellasaurus
Stella Belle
Stella Luna Tuna Balloona
Luna Belle
Tuna
Little Toon
Stel
Bella (This is what my dad calls her)

And for some unknown reason Mya's list is much shorter and they are all very similar...
Missy Mya
Little Miss
Missy
Miss
Goobs (No idea where this came from)
Goobie Girl

Weird, I know!

5 Months Old!

My little ladies turned 5 months old on Monday, November 2nd. It blows my mind how fast time goes. I was always loving being a Mom but it is getting more and more fun. Their personalities are so evident now and they make me laugh daily. They smile endlessly and they both laugh out loud now. There is nothing in the world like listening to a baby belly laugh. Just last night Mya (who is entranced by Milo) was laughing at Milo whenever he would bark. Wes and I almost had tears in our eyes we were laughing so hard watching her. Can you imagine being a baby and thinking a dog barking is funny. Everything is so new to them and it's fun to watch them explore their world. They love to play with their feet and touch everything. I don't wear earrings or necklaces anymore because they always have their hands all over them. Now they just grab at my hair and my face.

Stella, who still has her moments, is definitely calming down. She smiles almost non-stop and I love it when she is REALLY happy because she leans forward and smiles even bigger like she can hardly stand how excited she is! She loves to talk and if you put your face close to hers she will just look you in the eyes and babble. For a while there her thing was blowing raspberries with her mouth and she would spit all over the place. My glasses were getting cleaned regularly. She would spit so hard her shirt would be wet down to her belly button. It was almost like she couldn't physically stop. That hasn't happened in a while so hopefully it's over. It was funny, but also a pain.

Mya has caught up to Stella in the smile department. She was a little more serious before but now she smiles all the time too. I LOVE when I go to get her out of her crib after a nap, because she smiles the minute she sees me. It melts my heart. I also love when I pick her up she is very clingy and wraps her arms around my neck and gives me a hug. She is just so fun to squeeze and kiss because she has chubby cheeks. She is still more easy going and can go to others but I have noticed a few instances lately where she didn't want to be passed and I'm wondering if stranger anxiety is setting in.

All in all, they are doing wonderfully. We don't go back to the doctor until their 6 month check-up so I don't know how much they weigh at this point. My guess is Mya is around 17 pounds and Stella is around 15.

Here are some pictures to enjoy!

Little Miss Mya...
Little Miss Stella...
"I've got a secret to tell you, Sissy!"My beautiful babies...