Anxiety

I knew that staying home was going to be wonderful and that I wouldn't want to go back to work. I still have about a month and a half left until I go back to work, but it is consuming my thoughts. I think back to how long we tried and all that we went through to have our girls and the thought of me taking them to someone else to raise makes me so sad. Don't get me wrong, I love Lisa, our babysitter, but I want to be the one with them. On top of that teaching is a big job. People who aren't teachers constantly say that we have summers off and our day ends at 3:00. Those people should try it for a year. During the school year I am working 7 days a week. And although the kids leave at 3:00 my day is definitely not over. There are always lesson plans, papers to grade, meetings to attend, copies to make, newsletters to write, parents to contact and general daily prep. It was a wonderful distraction while we were struggling to get pregnant because it takes all of your time. Now that my beautiful girls are here, I don't want a job that requires so much extra work.

On top of my anxiety over just leaving the girls, I am also stressed about the actual job. I was put on bed rest April 4th. I will have been out of the classroom for 9 months. We got a new principal this year and she has changed everything. We have a new reading, writing and social studies series that I have never seen. We have new grade cards that I've heard take FOREVER. We also added the Phonics Dance to our day and I don't know that either. When I went to a conference about this they said to not worry about knowing it because you will learn it with the kids. Well, my kids learned it with my sub and I don't know it so now what? Finally, I don't know my students. I stopped in to meet them one day for 5 minutes and my sub (who also happens to be a friend of mine) had the kids fill out an informational sheet about them and she attached a picture. This is helpful, but I still feel like it is the first day of my first year. I haven't been nervous to teach in 5 years. Now I'm nervous! I have to learn how to be a teacher and a mommy without either job slacking.

I would just take the rest of the year off, because I think most of my anxieties are due to the fact that I am coming back in the middle of the year, but my sub is pregnant and due in February. I would not give the students two different long-term subs. I don't think that's fair to them. So I just going to have to suck it up and suffer through until June 2nd. (Yeah, that's another thing.....my last day of school is the girls' first birthday! We never go until June, but this year we do!!!!!!!!!!!) So from now on I'm pouring myself into our home business so that I can make enough to stay home after this year!

Who wouldn't want to be home with these gorgeous girls???