Workin' Mama

I have rejoined the working world. I dreaded January 4, 2010 since the day the girls were born. I did not want to think about being away from my sweet babies for a few hours, let alone all day every day. Sunday night I cried and cried. I cried as we were putting them to bed. I cried as I put their pictures in frames for my desk. I cried as I got their food ready for the next day. I sat in their room watching them sleep and I cried. I was a mess. Monday morning was more of the same. I cried as I dressed them, nursed them and loaded them into their car seats. Wes takes them to Lisa's in the mornings so that I can get to school early and get some things done since I have to pump during lunch and my special time and then I have to be out the door as soon as school is over. Driving to work I couldn't stop thinking about them and tearing up. It was a teacher in-service day and we were going to different presentations about technology all day. Needless to say I spent most of the time daydreaming about my girls and looking at their pictures. I could not wait to get through the day and go pick them up. I actually enjoyed pumping because I felt like I was doing a "mommy thing" and I felt connected to them again. When I got to Lisa's they were crying because they were loaded in their car seats and I felt so bad for them. Lisa said that Mya had a great day and was happy as can be. She said Stella cried periodically, but nothing inconsolable. I loaded them in the car and they were screaming so I just went to mom's house (right down the street) so that I could get them out quickly and love on them.

Mya was screaming so loud and like she was in pain, that when I opened the door to my mom's house she thought someone was really hurt. When I got them out Stella calmed right down but Mya clung to me and wouldn't stop crying. She wouldn't let me put her down or my mom hold her. She was like that all night and the next morning. This, of course, made me feel horrible. She seemed so nervous every time I stood up or walked away. It broke my heart that she felt abandoned. However, the next day was fine and Lisa said that she has had a good day every day. Stella had one day where she only drank 3 oz. all day, but she ate her solids and was pretty happy.

We are still working on figuring out the morning. I get up at 5:30-5:45 to shower and get ready. The plan was to get the girls up at 6:45 and get them dressed and ready so that I can feed them at 7:00 and they can burped and loaded in their car seats. This would mean that we would be out the door by 7:15, Wes heading to take the girls to Lisa's and me to school. So far it has been different every day. The first day Stella was up at 4:00 and we brought her to our bed where she woke up again at 6:00. I had to wake Mya that day at 6:45. Tuesday they were both up at 6:00. Wednesday they were both up at 5:20. Today they were both up at 5:50. Each day they would not go back to sleep so they were exhausted and took nice long morning naps for Lisa. When I was still home they would sleep until 7:00ish and then Wes would bring them to me in bed where I would feed them and we would all go back to sleep for another hour or so. They will need to adjust and I'm sure they will, but for now it is a little tricky for Wes and I to both get ready when they are up.

Tuesday my students returned from break. This day was so much better than Monday. I am so busy when the kids are there and the day flies. I do miss my girls immensely, but knowing that they are having a good day with Lisa and are having fun playing with their cousins makes it better. They have been happy and smiling every time I pick them up (except for Monday). Besides worrying about my own children I wasn't quite sure I wanted to be a teacher anymore because of all of the extra work it takes outside of the classroom. Meeting my students has made such a difference. I have an AMAZING class this year. I have 17 students, which is my smallest class yet. They are so well behaved and I'm loving being their teacher. My friend, Jenna, was my long-term sub and she did a fantastic job. This has made it so much easier to come back. I have a lot to learn because everything is different but I have a great class and they are very helpful. They are honest and I can just ask them if I wonder about how she did something. I'm trying to keep things as close to the way that she had them because I want this transition to be easy for my students.

If I could stay home with my girls I would and I do hope that some day that is an option for me. Right now that is not a possibility and so I have to make the most of my situation. I only have until June and I'm very much looking forward to my summer break with the girls (who will be walking and talking!!!!!!!!) and Wes. We have so many plans of fun things we want to do with them and I can't wait! I will figure this out and then I can be proud that I was able to balance being a wife, a mommy to two babies and a teacher at the same time.